What did they sacrifice?

I was thinking about Jonah some more, and I realized that there's something else significant about the two verses that stood out when I read it before. They threw the cargo into the sea to lighten the ship. After they threw Jonah in, they made sacrifices and vows.
1) What was left to sacrifice? Just their own stuff?
2) Does that mean they hadn't thrown their own stuff into the sea in the panic? I think that's true to human nature.
3) What if they didn't have a lot of stuff to sacrifice, so did some of them instead make sacrifices of service, like the ones we tend to make in the pursuit of the father? Well, it's hard to imagine OT people doing anything that wasn't a literal ceremony that we, supposedly more sophicated NTers do all of the less visable acts of devotion. But who knows?

168 Well he brings good news

Although I'm currently swimming in a polluted fish tank, (I'm sick of calling it culture) and every day is difficult, I have gotten such
good news lately. Two people who journeyed with me two summers ago have gotten engaged. Another saint who journeyed with me last year is going back to lead. I'm hoping the good news will continue for me. I'm in the midst of trying to get the channels open for another round of visa hoop-jumping--hoops through which I would be overjoyed to jump because it's worth it to be able to go back.

167 What was the cargo?

I like to copy the whole chapter onto paper when I do an inductive study.
Here's the first round of Jonah. It really helped e to do this quiet time because there's a lot of madness going on around me and I can't handle it without going to the one who's in control. He told me to go for Jonah again, so I read the story. One thing that stood out to me was the part where "They threw the cargo into the sea to lighten the ship," 1:04. My thought was "What was the cargo?" Maybe there was someone waiting in Tarshish telling his family, "Once that shipment we invested in from Joppa gets here, we'll have it made for life." Or maybe it was like, "Don't worry, kids, just hold out until the medicine arrives from Joppa and we'll make you all better," (I was thinking of Balto, you know?) That is, it could have been a good and valuable thing. Or maybe it was a bad thing. Maybe it was illegal drugs or weapons ("Tarshish is going down when my boat comes in.")
Why does it matter? Because the cargo was dropped to save them from the storm. The storm was there to stop Jonah from running away, and Jonah was running away in disobedience. The boat probably sustained heavy damage in addition to loss of cargo and the people running the ship certainly lost some income because they couldn't deliver whatever loot they had to toss.
There are two things this made me conclude two things: 1) Any individual's disobedience (yours, mine, our parents') can cost someone else everything, so we have one more reason to obey and to be sobered to the consequences of any wrong we're doing now 2) The harsh consequences may still be used for good, (like the fact that the men believed because of the storm and offered sacrifice as well as slim possibility that the loss of cargo prevented an act of terror.) so we should see that the one in charge is still in charge and we should be thankful for his grace and power.

These memorable nightmares

There were a group of us fighting this bad guy. And the place we were fighting resembled a traveling circus, vaguely.
I caught the bad guy and tried to take him to the light towers.
Forgot it wasn't safe to walk this road at night. The lions growled but didn't attack. I swung the joker around, expecting that if the lions attacked, I'd let them eat him instead.
Then I was running from him, go into the tower door and asked the girl in charge to help me because he was breaking in.
"Help! He's gonna get in the door. Help me!"
"Ok," she said casually. "I'm just gonna go check the fire and come back." She appeared to be changing.
"No he's getting in the door right NOW!"
She said and did something else I don't remember now.
"Come on, he's IN NOW." so I immobilized him again and said, "You've got to kill him. Get a knife and stab him."
but instead of using an appropriately shaped knife or an effective motion, she brought out a squarish cleaver thing and dragged it across his back. It might have worked if she had aimed better and not done more damage to my thumb that to his back. She sliced my hand about three times.
"You've got to do something. I can't hold him anymore," I said, seeing as she had obliterated my ability to grip with my good hand as she sliced it up.
At that point I woke up. I imagine he killed us both. In the dream I thought of him as the Joker, although he looked and acted exactly like my brother-in-law. The unhelpful girl was probably my sister.

#171 and My Cross-life experience in the US

I have gotten really sick if the word "culture."
Apparently VA is not a state. Commonwealth? Amazing.

I'm from here, only I'm not really from here. I'm from the North, only I don't really belong there either.
Went to a cultural event last Saturday, something like a tractor-pull with lots of sides, especially the history of tractors and other caroids.
I've been to many fairs in my youth. This was the first time I went thinking, "So this is what Americans do.

#162 and yeah, bothered

Easy stuff first. This is another world. Two guys on huge mowing monsters rolled out of a flatbed and roared onto an enormous lawn. Wow. Lawns. Wow, mowers.
I was next amazed at the way my relatives spend borrowed money on cars and home-beautifying.
I didn't even know how to explain that I'm not from here. I'm from the academic world, and also from the world of the committed believers. I consider myself successful for finishing my degree at a good research university without substantial help from anyone in my family. In fact, I supported myself more thoroughly and relied less on others than anyone I knew in college. I'm proud of being in the kiss-dating-goodbye school of thought and stuck to my convictions for five years so I could devote my time to learning and serving others.
Unfortunately, I seem to have remained weak, because the most frustrating thing about living in a different world like this is that other people see my success as failure, and that still bothers me. I know I shouldn't be upset by family members who look down on me, but I still do care.
That's been the fight this whole time and that's where I could use the most respectful (understanding, not pitying) support, especially intercession.

Legacies

I did think of a good thing this time. I recall what one of us said last year about the work we do in each city. We work as a team and we go on with work that others teams started long ago. I though today about what I did and what kind of mark I made in the city I was in. I also thought about the city I live in now and how there is also a story of teams that work here. I don't know who they are or who was here long ago or not so long ago. It was hard to deal with being called here and I didn't want to come. My goal now is to find the legacy I'm working under and continue it while I am here, to live as light.

#164b and some genuine realizations

This is what happens when all of your photo names are numbers and you opt to view them as a list instead of thumbnails. Makes for random fun.

Oh, for the days when the cross-cultural encounters were funny half the time or all the time and just plain hard without being funny at all half the time.
The cross-cultural journey I'm on now is really marked walls between differences in values. And they're really huge differences. I'm not just sharing light with an undeniably different group and place. This is a field that isn't easily acknowledged as a field, and it's much more difficult than the place I just left.

#164 and something very obvious

Extremely obvious point of the day: "People want other people to care about them." Well, duh. Enormous Duh. This is based on a quote of the day about how what annoys us in other people reveals a lot about ourselves. Yeah, that's true. Another huge Duh. The people who annoy me most are the ones that don't care about me and situations in which I feel ignored are harder to endure than most. The people that I appreciate the most are the once who sincerely do care (sincerely is very important, to me that means they care about what's best for me, not just their own sense of power.)
Anyway, it occurred to me that other people probably feel the same way, wanting me to genuinely care. So, to be practical, I decided I would intentionally check my motivation in what I said to other people. Usually, since I do everything indirectly, things I say or write to other people tends to be roped around an attempt to be vulnerable and offer whoever it is an opportunity to understand and hopefully get some sense of sympathy or admiration. Even though I really want understanding from other people, this method had never worked and usually leads to some incredibly painful consequence for me. So what I did today was I asked, "Is this going to benefit so-and-so or is it attempt to try to be vulnerable with so-and-so." I've actually done this before, but it was really encouraging to remember this again. Right now, anything encouraging, no matter how basic it is, helps.

Life with No Net

No safety net, that is. I wouldn't say I've grown much in the past two months, at least not in a good or healthy way. What I keep being reminded of is my continued responsibility to be light in a very dark place. And I don't honestly feel like a bright light. I feel like I'm mostly focusing on surviving the continuous merciless transition. I've been reminding myself that when I have other people to lift up and serve, I always thrive.
That's all there is to say, it's been hard. It's still hard. There's nothing in the future but a lot more hard work.

Resourceful Fellow laborers

In spite of the obstacles, I'm really glad I still have teacher blogs to read this year. It looks like one of the thoughtful options is calling on a helper. That seems to fit the mentality of partnering with people and accepting help. I probably wouldn't be comfortable with it, since I would feel like a burden, but if I were asked to do it, I would be thrilled because it would mean being connected to the action. I've realized more and more that people who serve and work like I do have the same desire to help but not need help. It's a good hint that for my time on the other side, I may need to find someone to handle my updates.

919 all the dates this month are palindromes, folks.

Change is painful. I agree with that. Pain is educational. I have no idea what the change was, but I have seen it's effects.
There was a telling incidence with a young person from my student organization during my last year of college. I tried giving him one of my support letters. My routine had been to explain to all recipients the purposes of all of the objects that come with the letter. He fanned out the contents of the envelope and gave a grinning sidelong glance with his eyebrows raised. I thought he was just confused and stood there expecting to answer questions. Instead, he said, "Well, aw, I got some studying to do..." at which I thought, but didn't say "How much explanation could you possibly need? I'm in a hurry, too, son." but continued his sentence: "...but if you want me to give you some advice..."
I don't think I said anything to correct his epic fail in reasoning. I probably just walked away, royally ticket off at his audacity, and mad at myself that he felt justified in such condescension. I had a box full of the letters in their final format and I had stuffed them and prepared them to give to potential supporters. Any person who saw me as a competent adult would have concluded that all editing had been finished. I was furious that I somehow gave the impression that I needed help when I was trying to give it. Unfortunately, this person is still in college, still suffering from the same arrogant expectation that other people need him.

however, another recent interaction with another person from my campus fellowship's sister chapter went much better. She recently returned from doing a service I did two years ago. She seemed to have a lot of respect for my experience and wanted to know what had made me decide to go on to serving by teaching. After my incredibly painful time in college of being mostly talked down to and pitied by the students in my campus fellowship, it was amazing to actually be treated with respect by someone who had been in that circle. What I was used to was going on a service or training trip and being affirmed and appreciated by those serving with me, and then going back to my chapter and being cast aside as nothing more than a victim and a passive attendee. I also felt treated this way by members of our sister chapter. So to have someone from that school actually treat me as an equal was amazing.

What this led me to wonder what I was doing differently after all this time that triggered people to treat me better, assuming that this isn't just a fluke. Or was it that going through something I've been through led my peer to appreciate a level of maturity and sacrifice that others haven't recognized yet? Another thing to consider is that I haven't actually seen anyone from college in over a year. If they saw me now, would they treat me better? Would I make them want to treat me better? I don't know, but lately, that is or could be one of the changes going on.

919 all the dates this month are palindromes, folks.

Change is painful. I agree with that. Pain is educational. I have no idea what the change was, but I have seen it's effects.
There was a telling incidence with a young person from my student organization during my last year of college. I tried giving him one of my support letters. My routine had been to explain to all recipients the purposes of all of the objects that come with the letter. He fanned out the contents of the envelope and gave a grinning sidelong glance with his eyebrows raised. I thought he was just confused and stood there expecting to answer questions. Instead, he said, "Well, aw, I got some studying to do..." at which I thought, but didn't say "How much explanation could you possibly need? I'm in a hurry, too, son." but continued his sentence: "...but if you want me to give you some advice..."
I don't think I said anything to correct his epic fail in reasoning. I probably just walked away, royally ticket off at his audacity, and mad at myself that he felt justified in such condescension. I had a box full of the letters in their final format and I had stuffed them and prepared them to give to potential supporters. Any person who saw me as a competent adult would have concluded that all editing had been finished. I was furious that I somehow gave the impression that I needed help when I was trying to give it. Unfortunately, this person is still in college, still suffering from the same arrogant expectation that other people need him.

however, another recent interaction with another person from my campus fellowship's sister chapter went much better. She recently returned from doing a service I did two years ago. She seemed to have a lot of respect for my experience and wanted to know what had made me decide to go on to serving by teaching. After my incredibly painful time in college of being mostly talked down to and pitied by the students in my campus fellowship, it was amazing to actually be treated with respect by someone who had been in that circle. What I was used to was going on a service or training trip and being affirmed and appreciated by those serving with me, and then going back to my chapter and being cast aside as nothing more than a victim and a passive attendee. I also felt treated this way by members of our sister chapter. So to have someone from that school actually treat me as an equal was amazing.

What this led me to wonder what I was doing differently after all this time that triggered people to treat me better, assuming that this isn't just a fluke. Or was it that going through something I've been through led my peer to appreciate a level of maturity and sacrifice that others haven't recognized yet? Another thing to consider is that I haven't actually seen anyone from college in over a year. If they saw me now, would they treat me better? Would I make them want to treat me better? I don't know, but lately, that is or could be one of the changes going on.