Sunday, March 15, 2009

As I expected

I had a feeling something significant was going to happen today, and I had a foreboding feeling about the call I was supposed to get from my program supervisor.
So I had a feeling it was going to be about my intent to transfer and come back to China next year. Then of course I had the feeling that something was going to be wrong. So as the conversation happened, I wasn't surprised.
My tendency when I get something I don't expect or want is to announce it with all of the face-saving remarks I can. And by saving face I mean ensuring other people that I understand everything and it's not necessary for anyone to try to say anything about it. Because if anyone feels they have to explain anything to me, or if there's any important justifying detail that hasn't occurred to me, then I have failed.
So my descriptions of what I now know are going to be something like, "I'm not recommended to transfer...I wasn't surprised by any of it. I don't dispute any of it. I was expecting this to happen...I was worried about this happening...I figured this would happen...there are advantages to this happening...I'm not upset..." or whatever it takes to clarify that advice, consolation and explanation isn't necessary, but only listening and acknowledgment.

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