the creepy laowai

I remember a conversation I had with a former classmate and some friends of his when we met up in Beijing in June. We were talking about the shady looking expatriots in China, known to us at the creepy laowai. My classmate had recently spoken to our professor (we were in different classes, but both had him) about that subject and reported what he had said. What stood out to me was the part about not being accepted in their home countries (I assumed their American, but who knows) and also becoming creepy gradually.
So the really creepy thing is that they might start out just normal, but their role in China somehow enables them to bend into something else.
But here's what disturbed me and why I thought of it: I spent a lot of time today missing China and feeling not accepted in my native country. I've struggled several times with the thought of accidentally turning into the creepy laowai.
But I also remember something a staffworker told me when we returned from my first trip to China, he kept saying something like, "be content with where you are." He had said it many times before. It was good advice, but hard to hear. I don't want to be here. I want to go back to China. And I've been convicted more and more to accept where I am and be present here and serve here. I want to.
I also know I won't really become a creepy laowai because I can choose to focus on my unending source and ask for help keeping straight. I can ask to be made better and to purify my motives.
I believe He will bring me back to China.
The hard part is waiting.